"...and if this is as good as it gets, man I think I'm good to go."
When I got home today, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of tear-drenched tissues. I can't remember the last time I cried this much. It might have been when I left my friends in Phoenix to move back to Denver. It might have been when I left home to move to Phoenix. It was probably when I attended the services for my friends Eric and Keith when they died in a plane crash 10 years ago. All of these events involved people. People who I knew well and about whom I cared deeply. That's why I am confused right now. I just finished saying goodbye to someone I might have met just a handful of times in my life, yet for some reason I've been unable to control myself all day.
If you've ever met me then you know I am an emotional person. I take a lot of things to heart and do everything with passion. I love my family and would do anything for them at the drop of a dime. Maybe it's this that is causing me to blubber like an idiot. I may not have known Alex, but I do know his older brother and sister, Adam and Gianna. I know that my brother, Matt, was good friends with Alex and my youngest brother Tim is friends with his younger sister, Gloria. I also know that they are and were all good people and well known and liked in the community. Maybe that's why I can't stop crying; because he meant so much to so many people and it hurts me to think of how much pain everyone I care about is feeling.
To wallow is to self destruct. To remember and appreciate is to grow and strengthen. Until last week, all I'd known about Alex was from intermittent stories that Matt would tell and what I remember watching on the soccer field. They were sparse memories. What I learned over the last week and especially the last day is something great. At a funeral service, people celebrate the good things in a person's life and generally leave out the bad. I have a feeling that given the time, today’s service could have lasted for days or weeks. Alex was truly a great person with an amazing manner for grasping life. He had a fantastic list of accomplishments and always put others before himself.
While driving with the motorcade to the cemetery, I was listening to Jason Aldean's song "Good to Go" and I really began to think about my own life. I began to realize the fragility of it all and how you get one chance to do it but no one tells you when your turn is over. It could be today, it could be next week, it could be 60 years from now. I thought about this and I started to wonder, is this as good as it gets, and am I really good to go?
I've always wanted to do something that would make an impact. To leave this world in a better condition than I found it. To not waste my time here living just for me. For the longest time I thought that required something of great magnitude. I'll spend all my free time with under-privileged children. I'll create a free internet structure for educational institutions to improve learning. I'll do something great and make everybody proud. Today, after witnessing the sheer number of people who came to say goodbye to this 25 year old man, and hearing all about his life and how he touched people, my realizations changed. I left something behind years ago.
Somewhere along the line I decided that to be great, you had to do something great. While Alex did many great things, including serving our country in the armed forces, above all he simply was someone great. It was his personality, his will, his compassion that gave him the ability to do great things. Not the other way around.
Alex, I wish I had the privilege to know you better. I don't, but what I do have are stories about the crazy, incredible and selfless things you did while you were here, and immense compassion for those you are leaving behind. I'm glad I got to know about you, at least a little. You’ve opened my eyes and changed my perspective on life. I'll make sure when my time comes, I'll be good to go.
Thanks for listening.
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